Yesterday, whilst out on a walk with my very good friend, we started discussing the Zoom fatigue idea and how it’s actually become a thing.
She then alluded to how she was feeling disconnected from work, even with all the technology in place to keep everyone connected. She was not feeling included in meetings, she didn’t get informed of things that she should know, she felt she was on the back foot. Was she even being deliberately excluded?
Sound familiar?
COVID induced anxiety
This high anxiety time is making us all doubt ourselves. It’s such a time of massive stress and learning as we shift into this new paradigm. We’re forced to let go of what was supposed to be and we’re now confronted with a new reality – one we never ever could’ve imagined. The whole thing is upsetting and exhausting. Coupled with the stress of possibly being in line to lose your job, makes the paranoia tangible.
I was in this space before. Well, not a full-blown pandemic, but the insecurity of working and imagining a series of things happening because I felt insecure at the time. Insecurity is one of the side effects of working remotely that people never tell you about. Insecurity caused by a breakdown in communication.
I used to work for a UK company where there were people in my team working together in an office and I was working remotely, in South Africa, trying to manage them. My boss also worked in the same office, so increasingly I found them turn to him for direction because it was easier to deal with him face to face.
Self sabotage is a silent enemy
It’s easy to let your mind wander down the rabbit hole of self-doubt and self-sabotage. It’s destructive too.
Depending on how we are feeling or what we’re dealing with in our personal lives or at work, small oversights or incidents can become blown out of proportion. If we are not conscious of our feelings, we could create a situation that doesn’t end up serving us.
Firstly it drains our energy – we spend time thinking about why people are “doing this to us”. 99% of the time it’s not about being malicious. People are sometimes just people. Perhaps you were left out of the meeting because the organiser just forgot to invite you. Something so small and banal has suddenly become a point of contention. If we don’t watch our thoughts, suddenly we’re feeling attacked, sidelined and redundant.
Secondly, our self-esteem plummets. We don’t feel worthy, appreciated, valued. This insecurity is a recipe for workplace suicide because it will start to play out in unconscious ways. You will start to self-sabotage – you’ll let deadlines slip, become unreliable or vent with other colleagues. This does you no favours when we’re in the middle of an unemployment crisis and pandemic.
So how do you deal with these feelings of insecurity and isolation?
1. Tune into your feelings and what’s happening in your personal space.
You’re crammed together with your family. The lockdown has been in place for weeks. You have no personal space. You’re feeling insecure in yourself. You’ve eaten too much and not feeling wonderful about your weight. Your partner is anxious about being laid off. Your kids are not listening. Homeschooling is driving you up the wall!
How are you feeling right now? Are you keeping track of your feelings? I find a great way to become aware of my feelings is to touch base during the day when I’m drinking my coffee. Get curious about what’s going on in your head. I also keep a journal. This helps me track my feelings, especially over time. As a woman, I’ve found that my hormones also dictate my feelings to a fair degree, and I’m mostly unconscious about this. My partner certainly isn’t!
It’s good to check in with yourself at regular intervals and ask yourself how you’re feeling and possibly why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. I also need to remind you that you are entitled to your feelings. Whatever they are. You’re also entitled to the consequences of acting out your feelings. Make sure you understand that.
This period of time is probably the most we’ve ever had our state of mind challenged. We’re confined to small paces. Our freedom of movement has been severely curtailed. We have rules imposed on us. We are told when we can exercise and what we can buy. We’re kept away from family and friends. We need to remind ourselves to be gentle with ourselves. We were not born teachers, we will have a conflict with our spouse, they will irritate us. And we will irritate them. Know this all and accept it. This too shall pass. For now, this is your reality. What can you change about it? Only your reactions.
2. Test your assumptions.
So you weren’t invited to that important meeting today? Is this a one-off occurrence? Have you spoken to the meeting organiser about leaving you off the list? Were you actually needed in that meeting? Are you trying to stay in control of things by being in that meeting? Do you need to be at that meeting? Why? Could it be that being left off the invite induces anxiety because you feel out of the loop and by extension, out of control?
Control is an insidious force. When we fret about the future, we realise we can’t control what happens. But my goodness we will try with whatever force and life we have inside ourselves to make sure we DO control what happens next. Being out of control causes massive anxiety, at least in myself. I know what a monster I become when I try to control situations. Or feel out of control. Just ask my kids.
I do it all out of fear. Fear that I am not going to be prepared for the future, fear of losing face, fear of not being able to predict the outcome, fear of being caught on the back foot, fear of being made a fool of. These are powerful fears. And with them comes a deluge of shame associated with these fears. Especially the fears of what people might think of me, my family or my contribution to work.
If we don’t start understanding our emotions and labelling them, we won’t become conscious of them and we’ll act out subconsciously. And that’s rarely a good thing.
Stick to the facts, leave the feelings alone. Ask the right questions in the right tone. Not accusatory “you left me off that meeting invite list intentionally!” nor insecurely, “I’m just wondering, uh, why I was excluded from the meeting?.” No! Ask directly and calmly, “Just checking whether you needed me at the meeting you had yesterday or whether there’s anything you need from me?” You’ll probably find that the person will realise they forgot to add you to the list. All very innocent.
Yet the story you’ve created in your head is colossal!
3. Plan to create regular communications with people up and down the chain.
If you are feeling disconnected from your team or your boss, make time to check in with a regular status meeting (these needn’t be longer than 15 mins) as well as communicate what you’re doing up the line. Keep your boss informed of what you’re busy with, communicate when deadlines can’t be met and show then what you’ve achieved. If you’re feeling disconnected from your team, then they will probably be feeling the same.
You may be on Microsoft Teams, Slack or Zooming your way to distraction but sometimes it’s good to just pause for a moment and connect one-on-one with someone. That can be a quick virtual coffee break or a friendly message.
4. Focus on the present moment
Stay focused on what’s happening in the here and now. It’s tempting to roll back into the past and dissect what you should’ve done, how you could’ve reacted or how you could’ve handled something better. Being in the past gives you free rein to beat yourself up… and badly. They say that if you live in the past, it’s a recipe for depression. If you live in the future, constantly worrying about what hasn’t happened yet, that’s a recipe for anxiety. Staying in the present moment allows you to stay sane. Stay aware of your breathing, your feelings and use your senses to tune into your environment. What are you hearing? What’s that smell? (yes, you should take a shower!). How does that keyboard feel under your fingers? All these things keep you focused on what’s happening right now. And that’s the only thing you can control.
5. Remember what you bring to the table
Do you ever wonder what you bring to the table? What makes you so skilled? Why were you chosen out of everyone else to join the company you work for? Or why did someone hired you as their consultant? Take comfort in the fact that someone saw something of value in you. Your experience, knowledge, rapport with others, your team skills or your work ethic. You are a valuable part of the team. Even if your company sometimes fails to show you. Remember to focus on what’s positive about you. If you’re battling to find something positive, ask a friend or colleague to help you. We’re not conditioned to think of ourselves as good at anything or give ourselves credit for the skills we have or what we bring to a job. Make a list and revisit this list often. Make positive affirmations about how much value you add – “ I am organised and efficient”, “I always bring a different perspective to the discussion”, “my Photoshop skills are really valuable now, especially since we’ve let our agency go”. You get the drift. Write them down and read them when you feel yourself slipping.
6. Have a proactive attitude
What skills are needed right now? What has happened at work because of COVID-19 that’s changed the way you work? Where can you pick up the slack? Offer some suggestions to your team or your boss and see where you can help. Your company will appreciate your positive attitude, especially when everyone else is feeling so despondent or scared. You don’t have to go overboard but I always believe the company’s value people who bring solutions to the table, rather than create obstacles. Management is spread thin now during this crisis. Where can you take up the slack? (pardon the pun)
7. Realise that technology can connect but also disconnect us.
It’s a double-edged sword but technology is sometimes a great barrier to hide behind. Slack or Team messages and emails can communicate information but it doesn’t allow you to relay your humanness to the other. In this time, video is your best ally, as you can’t necessarily see your colleagues face to face (unless you’re back at work during this level 4 lockdown as an essential worker. And then you’ll still be hidden behind a mask). Find ways to connect with your boss or your team where they can SEE you. In fact, all meetings should have videos switched on.
8. Practice an attitude of gratitude
This brings you back to the present moment in a very effective way. Notice the sunlight coming through the window? Be grateful for the warmish weather and that you have use of your eyes. Listening to a great track while you’re writing the latest company newsletter? Be grateful for your ability to hear or that you are drawing a salary. That you have an audience to send that newsletter to. Whatever you’re doing right now, think about how grateful you are for it.
9. Your thoughts create your reality.
I’m a firm believer in what you think, you manifest. If you’re constantly worried about losing your job…. Guess what? You’ll be awarded that. If you constantly worry about getting sick, guess how you’ll soon feel.
I’m not saying you should check out of reality, but take stock of your thoughts. Where you’re worried about your future, rather make a list of all the things you can do should that horrible thing ever happen to you. Don’t go down that rabbit hole. You will not come out in one piece.
If you need to get your anxiety under control, make a plan to do so. Find a great meditation app and commit to that every morning (it helps like you won’t believe) or consult your doctor to get a script for an anxiety med. And learn to breathe! You’d be surprised how effective that is. Or even find a therapist who can see you over Zoom or Skype. I’m not saying ignore the signs of the times. Companies are shutting doors, staff are losing jobs. I know this. But you have the choice as to how you react.
10. Shut off the news!
Stop jumping onto CNN to check the latest stats. Get off News24. Stop using Twitter to find out how many people have lost their jobs. Leave these COVID-19 conspiracy groups alone on Facebook.
We become addicted to bad news. If we’re watching the news, it means we’re in control. Control of the situation because we have the latest news. We can talk about things with authority because we’re well informed. Be careful here… it comes with a cost… it destroys your peace of mind.
I’m not being glib when I give this advice. All of this has happened to me before so I speak from experience. I have been retrenched twice but I’m still alive and carrying on better off than I was when employed by these two companies. I learnt more about myself and my resilience and resourcefulness over these time periods than ever before. Adversity will bring its lessons. It’s up to you to decide how you want to process these lessons and are you paying attention. It’s easy to slip into self-pity, but it’s a lonely place to be. I firmly believe you can overcome what is happening to you. You have to believe it too.
But before something like this happens to you, take a step back and control your thinking about it and ultimately how you react. Be aware of the reality and make plans for how you can overcome something bad happening to you during this time, vs succumbing to the panic. You’re allowed to wallow, but you need to get up again. Come on, you can do it.
CREDITS:
Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash
